MULTILINGUAL FAMILY
IN LONDON

Last month, primary school allocation results were released. Like many parents, we had been waiting for that moment for months.

Our child is currently in a school nursery, and we applied for the same school. While we were happy with our outcome, I found myself surprisingly affected by the number of other families moving on. As a way of reflecting on what we valued and prioritised in our decision, I wanted to write about what we personally considered during the school application process. In this post, I focus specifically on what we observed during school tours.

Between October and December last year, we visited eight schools during their open days. It might not be necessary to visit that many, and in some cases, it can even make things more confusing. But for us, it was helpful to see a range of schools in our area, including some we knew we might not realistically get into. It gave us a better sense of how different schools approach the same national curriculum, and what they prioritise.

People often say you will “get a gut feeling” during school tours. For us, it wasn’t that simple. Some aspects are easy to compare, like facilities or outdoor space, but many things feel subjective and depend on what matters most to you as a family.

We are still parents at the very beginning of our child’s formal education journey, and I’m sure we will continue to learn along the way. With that in mind, I wanted to share some reflections on what you might notice during school tours—not what to ask or check in official data, but what you see and feel while you are there.

Here are the main things I tried to observe during our visits.

1) The daily commute

A school might look perfect on paper, but the daily journey matters more than you think.

Visiting schools in person gives you a sense of the route, the surroundings, and how manageable it might feel day to day. And let’s be honest—getting your child ready every morning and out of the door on time is already a challenge in itself. The last thing you want is a stressful commute on top of that. When you picture doing that journey every single day, it raises a few practical questions. Is it a safe and pleasant walk? Would it still feel manageable in bad weather, or during winter when it gets dark early?

If driving is part of your plan, it’s worth considering traffic and parking too. One of the schools we visited was within walking distance, but we wanted to keep driving as a backup option. When we tried, it turned out to be surprisingly difficult to find a spot, even outside peak hours. Another school was located next to a private residential area, where parking simply was not allowed. My husband ended up dropping me off and waiting somewhere far away in the car instead of joining the tour. On the other hand, some schools offer on-site drop-off parking, or a free parking permit in the neighbourhood, which I now realise is a huge advantage in helping to manage the practical challenges of driving to school.

We previously had a 12-15 minute walk to nursery. It was manageable and, in many ways, something I really cherished—those walks, whether I was pushing the buggy or holding her hand, are some of my favourite memories. But in reality, it wasn’t always easy. Mornings could feel rushed, the weather didn’t always cooperate, and of course, there were occasional toddler tantrums along the way.

Our current school is just a few minutes’ walk from home, and that has made a noticeable difference to our daily routine. It’s not that mornings are never stressful anymore, but they are definitely more manageable.

For us, this became one of the most important factors, although I can see how this might vary depending on each family’s routine and priorities.

2) Facilities

Facilities vary quite a bit between schools. Some have larger outdoor areas, specialist rooms, or more modern buildings.

These things can be helpful, but they don’t always tell the full story. For example, a large outdoor space might not necessarily be well-suited for younger children, or certain features might look impressive but be less practical in everyday use.

During our visits, we saw a wide range of setups. Some schools had extensive open spaces or additional resources, such as dedicated and well-equipped music rooms. Larger schools, in particular, often seemed to have more room to offer. It was also interesting to learn that a couple of schools had recently downsized due to declining pupil numbers, yet still retained the same buildings. In practice, this meant they had extra space available for different uses, such as separate computer rooms or quiet areas where children could go when they needed a break.

At the same time, not everything that looks impressive necessarily works in practice. One highly regarded school had a very large outdoor space, but the main play area consisted mostly of metal climbing structures, which made me wonder how suitable it would be for younger children. Another school had a beautiful outdoor garden for reception kids, but it was quite hilly, and another parent pointed out how difficult it might be to supervise children.

One school had its own swimming pool, which was very appealing to many parents at first glance. However, we learned that it was under refurbishment and had not been available for some time, and could potentially be unavailable again during a child’s time at the school. We also found that their swimming schedule was not significantly different from that of another school, which uses an external swimming pool. Of course, it would be more convenient for children to access a pool on-site without needing to travel, but it made us realise that having certain facilities is not necessarily as important in practice as it might initially seem.

It was a good reminder to look beyond first impressions and think about how these spaces might actually be used by children in their everyday routines.

3) The overall atmosphere

One of the most immediate impressions you get during a tour is the general atmosphere.

How do staff interact with parents and children? Do they seem approachable? Does the environment feel calm, structured, or energetic? These are not things you can really understand from brochures or websites. Instead, these are the kinds of things you begin to pick up by simply being there and observing.

Different schools have different styles, and what feels right can vary from family to family. Some parents may prefer a more formal environment, while others might be drawn to something more relaxed and informal. In fact, my husband and I often didn’t see things the same way after the same visit. It made me realise how helpful it can be, if possible, for both parents or carers to attend visits together.

At one school I liked, all the teachers and even the kitchen staff were so welcoming, encouraging parents to ask them any questions. It left a strong impression on me. It also made me reflect on how much staff wellbeing might shape the overall environment, and how that, in turn, could influence the children’s experience.

At one of the most popular schools in our area, the headteacher seemed to know the names of children across different year groups and came across as very approachable. She even appeared slightly nervous while giving the tour, which, in a way, made me feel that she genuinely cared. That kind of personal connection stayed with me more than any facilities or statistics. At other schools, some headteachers felt more formal and less approachable. While this initially put me off slightly, my husband or other parents I spoke to didn’t necessarily see it as a red flag.

It was also interesting to observe how staff responded to situations. At one popular school where I felt it was particularly well-structured and organised, we were invited to a few classrooms, where a few children didn’t miss chances to behave cheekily and make small provocations. Perhaps encouraged by the number of visitors, they seemed to be testing boundaries a little more than usual. The teacher seemed a bit thrown off, which made me wonder how such situations are usually handled in a normal setting. 

At another school, the headteacher stepped in to discipline two boys who were lingering and playing in the bathroom before going back to the classroom, which came across as quite strict. That doesn’t necessarily mean one approach is better than another. Rather, it highlighted how differently schools can approach behaviour and structure. I can imagine some parents might actually find that reassuring.

4) Diversity and inclusion

Every school community is different in how diversity is experienced and how inclusive the environment feels. While official data can give you a general overview, visiting in person allows you to better understand how these aspects are reflected in practice.

For us, it was important that our child grows up in a setting where different backgrounds and experiences are naturally present around her. This can help children feel comfortable with differences and develop a broader perspective from an early age.

While demographic data can provide a general picture of a school, some aspects are better understood through observation during visits and through the overall feel of the environment. For us, one of the most important considerations was ethnic diversity. We are an immigrant family, and our child is of mixed European and Asian heritage. I have first-hand experience, as an international student, of what it feels like to stand out because of your appearance, even as an adult. Because of that, we wanted our child to grow up in an environment where differences feel normal and unremarkable, rather than something that makes her feel singled out.

We hoped for a setting where children from different backgrounds naturally interact and mix with one another. At the same time, diversity also connects to language. We strongly value multilingualism and hope our child will grow up speaking our native languages. Being surrounded by other children who are also bilingual or multilingual can help normalise this and make it feel like a natural part of everyday life.

Luckily, my child has been exposed to different cultures and languages early on at the nursery level, and she is deeply interested in them. Seeing her proudly say “hello” in different languages she has picked up from her friends has been a particularly meaningful experience for us.

Also, at one school, we saw a child using a wheelchair, possibly in Year 4 or 5, happily taking part in class alongside her peers. It gave me a positive impression that the school fosters an inclusive environment, where different needs are recognised and supported, and that the facilities are designed to accommodate a range of students. Even if your own child does not have specific needs, being part of such an environment can still help shape how they understand and relate to others.

5) A sense of community

For us, feeling part of a school community was very important. While school is primarily a place for children, it is also a community for parents. Feeling comfortable within that community can make a real difference, not only to your own experience but also to your child’s.

At the same time, it is not always easy to get a real sense of it before you actually join.

What we tried was to attend different school events, separately from official school tours. For instance, we attended two summer fairs and a Christmas event at different schools. Most schools welcome prospective families to join these events, and they offer a valuable opportunity to experience the school in a more informal setting.

One school had a strong PTA (parent-teacher association), and the event was organised by parents to raise funds for the school. We introduced ourselves to some parents and asked about their experiences. Of course, people tend to share positive views in those settings, but you can still get a sense of how engaged and proud they feel about the school.

In our case, we were lucky to get to know other families at our current school, even before joining the nursery, through friends we met at birthday parties and outside activities. That early connection turned out to be incredibly helpful in understanding the dynamics of the school community.

Then, through the nursery year, we got to know most of the kids in our daughter’s class and their parents. We did make an effort to connect with other parents, but it also depends on who you happen to be with in the cohort and how you “click” with other parents. My husband particularly felt the difference from our previous nursery, where he found it quite difficult to connect with other parents, while some other parents seemed to have closer relationships. Meanwhile, he is now almost like a social butterfly at our current school nursery, to the point that one parent friend even joked that he could switch careers and work at the school, as he seems to know everyone and feels completely at ease there.

We also got to know many parents through after-school play at the nearby playground. My four-year-old made friends with children in Year 4, and naturally, I got to know their parents as well. These everyday interactions made the school community feel much more real and accessible to us.

In our case, I attribute this partly to the size of the school, which is a one-form entry, and thus creates a sense that everyone knows each other. Of course, even in a smaller school community, not everyone’s experience will be the same. For example, a parent from another year group I spoke to did not necessarily share the same sense of community that I and some of the parents close to me experienced. 

So again, this is something that worked particularly well for us, and this sense of community became one of the biggest factors in choosing our current school. At the same time, I understand this may feel different for other families, depending on their own experiences and connections.

6) Life beyond the classroom

Closely connected to this is what happens outside the classroom.

Something I considered was what happens after school. I’m not referring to extra-curricular clubs or after-school care, which are important but usually easy to find information about. Rather, I mean the informal, everyday experiences that come with the school’s surrounding environment.

At our current school, there is a small playground nearby where children and parents naturally gather after the day ends. It has become a valuable space for informal socialising, both for children and for parents. As I am not working full-time, I have been able to take my child there almost every day after school, and it has become one of the most enjoyable parts of our routine.

My child and I have got to know many other parents and children from different year groups during this time. It has helped us feel connected to the wider school community in a very natural way. As a parent, I also found it helpful to get a better sense of what my child’s friendships look like and how the dynamics in her class might be through these day-to-day interactions.

Not all schools offer this kind of opportunity, especially if you need to travel further or drive home straight away. It may not be essential for everyone, and some families prefer quiet, cool-off time after school. I have also come across discussions suggesting that after-school play is not necessarily essential, as playdates can always be arranged separately. I can understand that perspective, but I’m not sure we would have found it as easy to get to know the wider school community in the same way if that had been our only option.

Beyond the social aspect, I also value the opportunity for my child to stay physically active. Almost every day, she runs, climbs, and plays outdoors. I feel that this kind of daily activity supports her overall well-being, both physically and mentally. Of course, this can be achieved in many different ways, but I found it particularly easy and natural to incorporate into our routine by stopping at the playground on the way home.

7) Approach to faith (if applicable)

If you are considering a faith school, visiting can help you understand how this is reflected in daily school life.

Different schools take different approaches, from strongly faith-based environments to more inclusive and broadly focused ones. Seeing this in practice can help you decide what feels right for your family.

Even if you have a faith yourself, you may find that your preference for a school environment does not always directly align with that. Some families look for a more faith-centred approach, while others may prefer a setting where religious elements are present but less prominent in everyday school life.

In our visits, we noticed quite a bit of variation. For example, some schools placed a strong emphasis on religious practice in their daily routines, while others were much more understated. At one school, there was a dedicated prayer space that children could access freely, and religious messages were visible throughout the school. At another, religious elements were much less visible in the day-to-day environment, even though the school still had a faith-based identity.

We also noticed that admissions criteria and everyday school culture do not always feel aligned in the same way across schools. For instance, one school placed significant emphasis on faith in its admissions criteria, but this was less visible during the visit itself.

In the end, we chose a non-faith school. However, visiting different faith schools was still a valuable experience, as it helped us understand the range of approaches and reflect on what might suit our family. We may still consider a faith school at a later stage, and this early exposure gave us a useful perspective.

Final thoughts

School tours can be incredibly helpful, but they can also feel overwhelming. It’s easy to focus on what looks impressive or what others recommend, but ultimately, the decision is very personal.

For us, the most important question became: can we imagine our child and ourselves being happy here every day?

If you have the opportunity, try to attend open days, school events, or even community activities. Seeing a school in a different context can give you a more complete picture.

And more importantly, trust that there is no single “perfect” choice. There are simply different environments that suit different families in different ways.

Looking back, many of the factors we considered were not the most obvious ones on paper, but the small, everyday details that shape daily life over time.

Also, your child’s interests and needs can change over time, as well as the school environment and what they offer. What feels like the right choice now may evolve, and that is part of the process.

This is, of course, just our experience and perspective, shaped by our own circumstances and priorities. I fully appreciate that families in different situations may look for different things and come to very different conclusions.

I will also be sharing separate posts on what to ask during school tours, and how to approach and interpret school data, as those were equally important parts of the process for us.

In the end, it’s less about finding the “best” school and more about finding the one that feels right for your child and family at that moment.

Thanks for reading!